Thor: God of Thunder or Total Blunder?

I’m going to start things off with a movie that recently made its way to the big screen: Thor.  Thor, for those of you who don’t know, is one of the Avengers.  The Avengers are some random group of comic book super heroes that go out and save the world. What else do heroes do? 

I guess the plan is to introduce each member of The Avengers in his own separate movie and then bring them all together in 2012 when The Avengerscomes to the big screen. Confused yet? Yea I don’t blame you.

Anyways back to this joke of a movie.  Thor is the story of the Norse God Thor. Redundant statement is redundant, no? Thor and his brother Lokey, are sons to Odin, who is basically God or Zeus.  The story starts off in Valhalla, or Heaven, where we find Thor about to be named Odin’s successor, but alas, nothing ever goes as planned.  Enter the Frost Giants. (Seriously? Frost Giants? Couldn’t they be any more creative than that?) The Frost Giants are the sworn enemies of Odin, blah blah blah, we get it, we’ve seen this scenario a hundred times.  

To not give away much more, Thor ends up disobeying his father and gets banished to earth, stripped of all his godlike powers. How sad. But wait! Who should find him but Natalie Portman! I don’t even remember what her name was in the movie, because, let’s be honest here, does it really matter?  But what totally distracts from her attractiveness is the scientific mumbo jumbo she constantly utters throughout the whole thing.  Not to mention her somewhat disturbing liplock with the thunder god. Yea, it happens.  Oh yea, and her god awful acting. Seriously, this girl hasn’t had a good performance. Aside from her lustful role in Black Swan, which I will admit, I thoroughly enjoyed. But yea, I provided an equation below for those visual learners out there:

(Natalie Portman) - (Bad Acting x Science) = Not Hot.

How ‘bout a picture?

So for those people who had the thought, “Yea, this movie is going to suck, but I’ll go see it cus Natalie Portman is in it,” rethink your decision. Thor is an overly boring movie with very few action scenes.  I oftentimes found myself drifting off or wondering when the damn thing would end. 

But, if you’re the type of person that’s into the whole comic book to movie trend, then by all means, pay $10 to go see this thing. But if you’re just looking for a fun and exciting movie to see, go see Hangover 2. Or Bridesmaids. Or Hangover 2.